3 Watford – Liverpool 0, OOF Size: Pretty Big

The streak is over, vibes are not the same

Oh, a match on a Saturday. What could go wrong?

It’s Nigel Pearson’s Watford away from home, so not a comfy affair after all. I remember one press-conference their gaffer had a couple of years ago, calling some journo an ostrich.

I definitely recommend that video for viewing, he’s a funny cunt. “I’m sorry son, but you’re daft.” Well, talking about daft and ostriches, I can remember another great video… He’s not a fucking ostrich, it’s an EMU!

Gotta love England.

Anyway, there was a match. A boring one, I must say, nothing interesting happened there. So boring that seeing Millie and Hendo sitting in the stands was a highlight. But I had plenty of things to think about before the match started. (Editor me – everyhting about the first half was written in half time)

Firstly, Joe Gomez misses out on his start, giving Deggsy Lovren a rare start. I would forget how he looked, if it wasn’t for a Chaokoh commercial, and he shaved too, that’s a makeover. Then there was this Twitter drama about Naby Keita. One camp calls him world class, other calls him a flop. I sit somewhere in the middle, and I definitely prefer Ox to Naby. More energy and strength, and he’s much more direct.

10 points for a week, nobody from the bench played either

Just before the match I checked my FPL team, and this is the absolute worst I’ve seen it to the day. And somehow I still managed to climb up, how in the blue hell? You can see that I don’t take this game too seriously anymore.

For a humble brag, I can say that i was a runner up in the Ukrainian league for the official EURO 2016 FPL game, and 1 person can back me up in this statement, if she didn’t forget about it.

I am spending too much time avoiding the match.

Well, the only good chance in the first half belonged to Deulofeu, who almost curled one in the top bins from the left flank. Later on this Barca lad will get injured and shave off 5 minutes from the clock. Seems like a bad injury, his season is probably over. Good luck to him in recovery, it sucks to see injuries like that one.

Dejan is so immobile that Fabinho has to drop deep to play it from the back… in matches like this you beging to rate Hendo and Gomez more. Gini saves Lovren from Internet wrath, but he also has to be bailed by Big Virg. He’s good, and he smells nice, according to Troy Deeney, but his frown is not something you want to see very often.

Bobby and Mo slip on the same spot, something is up tonight. The only half chance of the half is from Salah, he hits the side netting after a soft delivery by ox. I felt that he wanted to blast it like Stevie, but too many bodies were in Watford’s half. The match turns a bit ugly after Deulofeu’s injury, Deenye and Hughes stiffly meet our guys. 5-1 for shots in Watford’s favor, and we almost conceded before half time.

It’s funny to write about the second half already knowing the end result, but here it goes. Sarr pops one on ne, can’t score. Give this boy more chances, he will get his due soon enough.

Second half starts with Robbo on the right and Trent on the left, interesting. Amazing pass by Virg almost gives us a rare Robbo goal, but the shot is not good enough.

BAM! Watford scores. Lovren stuck with Deeney, ball bounced a bit and found Sarr who hit it from a couple of yards. Pitchforks for Dejan are out by this moment, I feel like. At this moment I think, ok, now we start playing. It was like this with Norwich and West Ham, and this seemed similar.

Nope.

That cheeky ginger cunt Will Hughes saved the ball from crossing the line, deeney punted it forward and Sarr wa quicker than wind, chipping Alisson for his brace.

If I’m not mistaken, he and Sadio are bros, so he’s not the worst candidate to humble us down a little. Actually, Sadio once asked Deeney to take care of Sarr, I guess Deeney did just that?

Not a set piece play, but almost felt like a dead ball situation. Kloppo decides to throw Lallana in for Wijnaldum, and it kinda makes sense, we needed something new down the middle. And he actually gave us our only good moment out of thin air, volleying a shot into the bar. Not long after Divock enters the pitch for Ox, but his magic is not working today.

Trent tried to give us hope with a cheeky free kick, but was too smart for his own good. Later on he will set up a third goal for Watford. Jeez, you know it’s a bad match when Deeney embarrsasses you, and flashes his beautiful smile. Assisted by Sarr, who is later subbed off for a guy named Pussetto. I know it’s intentional, Pearson, you knew what you were doing lol.

We tried to create something, but the quality wasn’t there. By the way, Minamino had a run about, would like to see more of him soon, maybe he’s the player that could help us out creatively. This match showed why we can’t rely on trent and Robbo all the time, they had bad games tonight.

Van Dijk hits a long shot in frustration, the plot armor is off, and the Wenger army celebrates. Arsenal fans have something to smile about, which is good after their result against Olympiakos. We’re no longer invincible.

44-1.

Man, I remember my reaction to that match, I watched it live.

While Watford is no Brock Lesnar, they F5ed us into the ground tonight. Maybe it’s for the better that we got slapped like that, maybe this will make the team angrier. Also it could help us in the Champions League, as we would no longer look for all those fancy little records.

Not sure if it’s a biggie, but it feels better now we have such a big lead over our competition. Need to figure this football thing out quickly, to face Atletico in a better shape. I wouldn’t mind using that Hendo gif, but I guess it’s too early and unwarranted.

Poor Kloppo.

Felt bad for him, but it had to happen eventually. Anti-LFC fans will have something to warm their soul, we will have plenty of things to think about. Next bout against Chelsea in the FA cup, they’ve drawn with Bournemout earlier today. Maybe now we can go for that pot? I certainly would put some effort in getting it.

Unexpected, but also inevitable, given how we have performed lately. YNWA!

Monday Night Football: 3 Liverpool vs. West Ham 2

There were 52 points between these teams before the match started, and it’s mind-boggling to even think about it. West Ham is fighting against relegation, and Liverpool moves a bit closer to the title each day, but 52 is a number too big.

In a football sense, for me, it is associated with Lord Nicklas Bendtner.

Anyway, it’s Monday and late evening is not an ideal time to watch some footie. But guess what? It is the best team in the world, playing at home, hungry to get back on the winning track and show who’s boss in this joint. There’s nothing better to distract you from the gray routine of the working week than a rocking red stadium that sings “You’ll Never Walk Alone”.

We’re missing our captain Jordan Henderson, but now have a more mobile midfield with Naby Keita back in the mix. Hoping his drives forward will make a difference tonight. No Milner in the squad, that’s weird, but Minamino is on the bench. Big Virg is wearing an armband, now that’s a great third captain to have.

Liverpool presses very high, throwing themselves at the tight West Ham backline. Mane bursts to force Fabianski into error, but he’s a bit lucky. We push them back and overwhelm their space with players, and the goal comes. Fancy little interplay in the box, Trent smacks it in the center and Gini nods it home!

Fabianski has a mini-meltdown, hitting the bar like it has betrayed him…

Nice quick goal, everything is looking great, right?

Wrong.

One or two minutes later we conceded after a corner, again. Issa Diop scores the second goal of the game, also a header. Salah bites back with a nice curling shot after an audacious Robbo switch, no luck for now.

Antonio finds himself one on one, but Alisson has balls of steel and casually grabs it. The playing ball, ya pervert. Minutes later Mane creates a moment, and then Firmino tries his luck from long range. Didn’t see a lot of long shots from Bobby, would like a home return from him for once.

No, that’s not a criticism, just want him to dazzle The Kop.

Robbo shithouses on the flank a little, the ball falls to Trent and he hits it! Close, but no cigar. The best chance from this half belongs to Virgil, who smashes the crossbar from one of many corners. Lukasz hit the bar, but now it saved his bacon.

Robbo, Fab, and Trent are the best in the first half. The second one starts fun, as Bobby gets another sniff at goal. But then we get struck in the jaw by a tricky Fornals shot that gives hammers a lead. Declan Rice blindly punted it in the box, a nice touch by the Spanish forward followed to surprise everyone.

Ox subs Keita and my God what a player he is, so fast and powerful and energetic, very direct. His shots and busts are exactly what we need, he’s energetic and determined. Hendo watches on from the attendance, looking a bit sad.

You know, this is a match of corners, and we got bloody 20 of them tonight. We got so many of them, that we started experimenting how to take them because classic Trent curlers became a norm. That boy is special, and he proved it again tonight. I see him with the captain’s armband, assisting from corners for years to come.

What? We are losing? No way. Call agent Mo Salah, we can’t drop our quest to dethrone “The Invincibles” against bloody West Ham, no offense.

Ox with a filthy spread, Robbo runs, Robbo crosses, Salah strikes, Fabianski loses. He concedes a shot between his legs like a great goalkeeper would do, and he’s so dramatic about it again. That’s what you get for not respecting the equipment, you raging polish bish.

We go, and we create more and more… corners. Too many crosses, not very efficient ones too, but eventually they come to our rescue. Before that Salah gets a brace outta nowhere, but Fabianksi pulls one out and poor Bobby can’t convert from two feet. A collective gasp and facepalm, funny visual.

All is forgiven though, as Trent gets forward, Bobby misses the ball yet again, and Sadio pouncing before the open net. 3-2, and it doesn’t feel like a heroic come back it is, just a regular victory.

We took what was ours, even though Alisson had to sacrifice his swole red face to keep us in it and gift the team all three points. 55 points between us and a team who managed to score us two goals tonight. Sadio could have had a brace himself, but was ruled out for offside, which would give Alexander-Arnold his assist hat-trick.

Imagine not having this guy in your FPL team… it was a painful week there, but this is an enjoyable result. 3-2, we are one step closer to the promise land, just four more wins and we’re golden. Should be playing better if we want to go past Atletico, I tell you that much. With that goal Salah took over Suarez’ spot of Liverpool goal scorers, 69th for LFC, nice indeed.

My man of the match is Trenty. He’s an outstanding player, and he has so many great years in the red shirt. I will be a 30-year-old when he hits his peak, and that’s scary. Thanks for visiting my blog, you kind soul.

I wish you a great day, be sure to come back here again sometime in the future. Feel like I made GIFs faster, and even had time to check my spelling and shit. Good job, me. Good night, you.

1 Atletico Madrid – Liverpool 0

Champions League is back, as Liverpool returns to Wanda Metropolitano, the same stadium that brought them the 6th European Cup. The setting will provide some with good memories, but it’s also a place that would test LFC cup ambitions like no other arena could.

Wanda Metropolitano was lucky for Liverpool in the Champions League final.

I wasn’t happy to get Atletico so early, they are a solid team no matter what. Bad form, injuries, rebuilding team – it all doesn’t matter as much, when the action on the pitch is bottled up to 180 minutes. They can get through and continue to be average in the league, we saw that before. Diego Simeone, always in black colors, is the type of manager that can always turn the heater in the lockers, and motivate his players to play hard.

And well, the start wasn’t ideal. Ball bounces off Fabinho, and Saul picks the corner for an early lead. Perhaps a dream start for Alteli, who then predictably sit back after scoring and give the ball away, looking for counter attacks.

Lemar, who I heard is not a regular first team player, is clearly designed to burn the ground behind Trent, who wonders forward quite a lot. In the first half, the right flank was covered up by Hendo quite a bit, more than the usual, when in possession too. Crosses didn’t go where they needed to go, and we started shooting from long range to lure the home side out. No luck, although I liked Robbo’s shot.

He’s on the card, which means he is risking a second leg appearance. I write this part in half time, so hopefully the game ends well for our left hand side (well, at least he is not disqualified). Sadio picked up a card, and got a bit aggressive in the end. Of course Vrsaljko, the best right back in FM 12 was a bit extra with his reaction, but would you expect anything else from a Spanish side? One of the main reasons I don’t like La Liga – too many actors rolling around the pitch and nagging the ref’s to play with cards.

We had two chances in the first half. Firstly a usually solid goalie Oblak blundered his kick, with Salah intercepting the ball and giving it to Bobby, who was offside. A goal disallowed, no arguments. Then Sadio and Firmino get their magic mojo on, creating a very decent shot for Mo out of thin air. God strike, but Atletico defender is in the way, blocking the shot from going into top bins.

Mo had a normal half, and I want to underline how good he became in his hold up play over the years. Second half is on! Sadio is put on the bench, as we await a goal from Origi. Not really a surprise, as he had an injury not so long ago, plus his competitiveness would warrant a second yellow.

Divock is not that nimble to operate in tight spaces, but he has a goal in him nonetheless. 60 minutes gone, still no shots on target, much more possession that results in Trent switching his play over and over again.

Need to come up with plan B, I suppose. This 4-4-2 rigid formation is a tough not to crack, and we’re lacking man power in the middle.

On the Atletico side, Lemar goes off at half time, Simeone doesn’t mess around with this guy. He subs Morata too, after he flubs a good chance. Pretty average forward, if you ask me, high maintenance for sure. Plus his play is not suited to counters, so Vitolo enters.

Next we see an answer from Klopp, who brings Salah off for Ox. I understand this move, we need a crazy moment, long shot and a burst of pace Alex can bring to the table, but sadly, it never comes. But… Divock shifts to the center and the best chance of the second half goes missing, unlucky for Hendo, who’s also in need of a break.

Millie on, straight off gets a captain’s armband and I wish for some penalty case. Meanwhile Correa goes off for shithouse master Diego Costa. Simeone fires up the crowd, who seem to be enjoying themselves a lot. Costa shoots badly from a distance, and that’s pretty much it.

A suffocating match, where we couldn’t explore the space behind the defenders, didn’t have a creative and decisive force in the center. It all boiled down to Trent, and that’s not a viable first, second and third option. No late goals, no drama. It’s a dull 1-0 win for Madrid, and they are patting each other on the back for a job well done.

Honestly, a snoozefest for a neutral, and a frustrating watch for any LFC fan. The match with Norwich was tough, and here we didn’t do as much as we needed to. We will see what comes in the second leg at Anfield, where the magic happens. By that point we would probably wrap up the league, knock-knock, and could concentrate on putting goals in the back of the net.

Eh, matches like that can happen. Calls didn’t favor us, and luck wasn’t on our side. Props to Madrid for executing their plan, albeit not a very elaborate one. Waiting for the next bout now, only up from here.

In the other CL match of the night, Haaland puts two past PSG at home. Will watch the highlights, but man, what a beast that blondie is. He can get the top goalscorer trophy without advancing too far! But all of that doesn’t matter. The trophy belongs to Liverpool, and next time we will show Ateltico why Anfield is the place where amazing things happen.

Champions League final photo in black and white

Let’s try our best to keep the title, nothing is decided yet. One month to get our form back!

0 Norwich – Liverpool 1

Well, that’s an instant reaction if I’ve ever seen one. The match ended a few minutes ago, and here’s what I have to say about it.

Winter breaks suck.

Ok, we’re done, thank you for visiting, see you next week.

Ok, let’s talk about. Let’s talk about Liverpool overall.

I’ll start it by saying I couldn’t watch the Shrewsbury replay because FA banned all broadcasts. Ey, that’s petty. Mid week matches are never easy for my viewing, but I still wanted to see it and was dumb enough to try every rogue link on the web and pick up some Trojans.

Virus scare and work delayed the updates for this blog, but it’s a deserted place, so who cares. Talking to myself even now.

So, not the best match I’ve witnessed this season. The only highlights I remember is Bobby’s ridiculous skills, first when he caught the ball and almost truck it with his back to goal, then with a sexy scoop pass, and also a pass to the back with the back of his head.

Does he have 20 flair in the latest version of Fooball Manager? He should, if not.

Another moment worth mentioning was Alisson’s save when two Norwich players tried to sweat it out for the empty net. Too many GIFs if I put one here, sorry.

I liked Ox’s efforts, not so good from Salah, can’t say I’m too impressed with Keita who had the highest rating for the first time. I think it is safe to say that every Liverpool fan expected more from Naby when he first joined us. Now he’s a decent option for rotation, with glimpses of brilliance. It’s his 50th apperance too, and I can’t remember too many amazing performances from him.

On the bench, Sadio is waiting to be unleashed. Perhaps sadly, Minamino is not in the squad at all, with no injury. Well, stuff like that happens.

Trent is ok in the first half, but his free kicks and corners don’t find the target. He’s double checked on every set piece play by the ref, what did he do to attract so much scepticism? That boy is a saint, I’m telling ya.

Best moment of the second half came from Salah’s trickery, he somehow manged to shoot from a tight situation, Keita on the rebound couldn’t score from three meters, poking it into Krul.

Kloppo decided to rev up the engines, getting Sadio on very early. The tempo gets higher, Tettey even strikes the post with a freak shot. Forgot to mention I liked Kloppo subbing Gini off for Fabinho. Wij is not the type of player to get the ball and drive it forward super directly.

I mean, I already said that I hate winter breaks. Feels like an FM script where you go undefeated and soaring high, and then drop points to bottom fee… SADIOOOOOOOOOO!!

What Booby can do, Sadio can do better! Great goal! 100th in English football, and who’s assisting? Jordan Henderson! Don’t think Gini would attempt such a pass from that position.

Finally Millie is on, I am wearing his shirt right now. Aaand we get the W, not the fanciest of games, but it’s 3 points. 16 wins in a row, 35 EPL maches with goals. 10 clean sheets in last 18, Alisson is something else! And thank you, Sadio, you’re tonight’s man of the match.

5 more and we’re champions. But before that, let’s make sure Atletico gets the same treatment. Gonna be tough, but we can do it.

Thx for dropping by!

4 Liverpool vs. Southampton 0 (Post Match Review)

Fresh off after watching the match I’m writing this review.

Super confident performance from all the boys, altough Alisson had a couple of slighly weird moments. But those are pretty fun, I was amazed at how he managed to throw the ball out of his hands while sliding out of the box. Props for that reaction!

And yeah, he stopped the shot from Long and casually catched it with his one hand.

Allison, cool calm collected from LiverpoolFC

Virg was massive as always, and he prevented some dangerous passes with his “telescopic” legs, as the commentator once said. He also had a backheel shot ala Sadio from past season, but wasn’t lucky enough.

Liked one Robbo tackle in particular, he looked better than Trent tonight, but that’s not a knock on AA, he just didn’t have his usual brilliant game and gave the ball away a couple of times. Fabinho looked much better than in two prior games, but he can still be better.

Hendo was the stand out in midfield, it’s great to see him in his best form now, with February on the calendar. If he keeps up his form, we will do just fine in the CL too. He rushed the attack in the first half, but slotted it home in the second. Before that, Ox smacked one in, of course, from Firmino’s splendid cut back. Bobby assisted once, twice, and trice for Salah near the end of the match, and could have scored himself too! He’s as perfect as his teeth, man.

My favorite assist came from Hendo though, that attack was so crisp and rapid. Mo Salah scored two casual goals, now being 1 behind Suarez with 68. Soon, the biting forward will leave the top 4. Torres is left behind too, so Mo does a good job of toppling ex-favorites of mine.

Lallana didn’t have much time. Keita created a chance for Bob, but prevneted Takumi from scoring his first, I feel like. His shot selection was smart, just didn’t have enough space. Great game all around, and I’m torn who to give my MOTM award. I think Firmino deserves it the most, as wihout him we wouldn’t have scored the first two goals.

Life’s good when Bob’s your uncle!

Not the best use of this line, but I don’t care. We have 73 freaking points on February 1st… FEBRUARY, CARL!

What’s better, we can play even better. Our defence wasn’t ideal today, and Ings probably could have got a penalty he wanted just before our first game, but in the end, we are 12 or 20 points away from second place, and things can only get better.

Proud of my team!

How many more? I’m excited to find out.

MOM: BOB Firmino for three assists and that smile of his

0 West Ham vs. Liverpool 2

There’s no easy matches in the Premier League, they say. This one begs to differ.

The biggest chance created by the Hammers happened in the first half through Lanzini. I remember some people said he would be a good replacement for Coutinho. I’m glad we spent that money on Virgil and Alisson instead, not looking for a straight swap.

They had a solid game, not having to play to 100% of their ability.

Well, Ali made a great save late in the game, but apart from that, both guys didn’t have much work. Maybe there was something in the start of second half and I missed it, my stream died.

About that, I watched it on some Belarussian channel. It’s so weird when you understand every single word of a language you don’t know. My fav word is “shmaht” now. That commentator also went on Liverpool fans denying that their team has already won the league, and that we’re “wearing masks” by pretending we didn’t win anything yet.

Motherfucker, if you would experience a handful of lost finals and multiple close finishes in the league, you would keep your dumbass head shut in the middle, smh.

Back to the game, Mo stepped up a bit with Sadio away from the team. The legendary injury that cost millions of FPL players their triple captain chip. Hey, I’m one of them!

Anyway, he converted a pen that Divock earned, and did it confidently. Not Milner level of confidence, and a whole lot of run up, but it’s a clear goal. Also, how good was Bobby to keep the ball in play to actually rescue this chance.

LiVeRpOoL aNd PeNalTiEs, eh?

We also bought the goal posts to deflect the shots of opposing team. Trent knocking the ball in the post and pretending nothing happened is somehow cool.

Around 1:00

Some little guy named Mo hit it too, don’t you forget. But that was late in the game, when the deal was mostly sealed.

Missed the second goal live, it was a great counter. That sexy and filthy pass from Mo is smth to put on a loop, good finish by Ox too. I knew him hitting a bench last time around wasn’t a big deal, he is just a competitive lad and wants to play more.

And being from the future, I already know that he will get his returns in buckets.

I don’t like mid week matches, but how can you not like matches where your favorite team wins? Up the reds!

Pidgeot, I Choose You (2 Shrewsbury – Liverpool 2 Reaction)

Posting this seconds before the West Ham match… You know, I love Pokemon.

Bout against Shrewsbury started well, Jones scored again and Adrian made a couple of big saves. I almost collapsed from exhaustion near half time, but got myself some coke (the drink) and banana for second half, plus some music to survive this viewing. Not that it was bad, but I barely could stay awake for it. It becomes pretty regular, I don’t know why it’s so tough…

Second half starts with the funniest own goal I’ve seen in years, by ex-United player Donald freaking Love. With a name like that you have to be featured in Vice City. Anyway, I though that was it.

Yowie wowie

Nope, not really. Fabinho, Matip and Lovren all looked like hibernated animals out there tonight. Sloppy as fuck. No match fitness whatsoever…

Neco Williams and Larouci are not solid wingbacks defensively from what I’ve seen. The latter one fouled for penalty, which was converted by Pidgeot-lookalike Cummings fella.

And oh boy, he scored again after a yet another blunder by Captain Lovren.

I had no reaction for that goal, but some of the home fan reactions felt so fake, forced and corny. Maybe that’s how it all looks w/o commentary? Anyway, Kloppo smirked and threw Ox, Salah and Bobby in. Too late, unfortuanetly.

Disappointing performance from Minamino and Elliott. Origi wasn’t much better either, but how can you look good when the team can’t string three passes together?

Chirivella had a great assist, and he’s a clear deep lying playmaker, but I doubt he would ever make it in the Premier League. Remind me in 5 years?

In games like this Gini and Keita could be masive. Heroic draw from Shrewsbury, and a pitch invasion after the match. Bunch of snotty kids started nagging Lovren, deservedly so.

Man of the match is probably Adrian, but if we take two sides into account, it’s that blonde pidgey bastard. They’ll secure the bag at Anfield, and I hope next time we would fare better.

Also we were lucky not to concede another penalty, VAR would probably knock us out. Fabinho had that “oh shit” look on his fave when the ball hit the arm.

As good as Liverpool is right now, this was not a good performance. We threw away a 2-0 lead. It is the first LFC game I reviewed for this blog , wish it could have gone better.

Replay it is then, let’s make sure we go through.

UPD: Kloppo said nah, we will play kids LOL. Winner of that tie goes to face Chelsea, let’s see how it all works out.

The Day I Learned That Kobe Is Gone

I couldn’t imagine that my second post here would be about this.

Kobe Bryan has been killed in a plane crash, and that’s just heartbreaking.

I’m not a Laker fan, not a Kobe fan, hell, I don’t even watch basketball that often because of the time differnce. Tough to get the games in Ukraine, so it’s all highlights for me.

But when I saw the news 8 in the morning, x hours after the tragedy happened, I felt it. It’s a sickening experience, and I can only imagine how Kobe’s fans feel right now.

When I first got a notification, I thought it was something different, it looked like this…

RIP Kobe Bryant what?

I thought it was a bad wording of LFC talking about LeBron James, club’s minority owner, passing Kobe in the all-time scorers. I thought it was weird, entertained the idea, and then just thought “nah, not possible”.

But at the back of my mind I thought that something tragic must of happened, because he’s only in his forties. What was the whole deal about?

I couldn’t check until I enterted the office, and sadly, it was the worst possible news.

Mamba, his daughter, and other passengers crashed in a helicopter. I immediately thought about Leicester’s owner, who also died in a plane crash. Not that long ago too…

Just reading the headlines was bad, but seeing other people react to this would be gut-wrenching and then some. I tore up a bit for colleagues to mention it, and one guy guessed what was happening. He is not a basketball fan at all, and he understood. Shows how big the name “Kobe Bryant” really is.

Kobe is a legend. A figure like no one, a guy who worked his ass off and pushed everyone to their limit. Never in years I will even come close to his work ethic.

I’ll get home and quite possibly cry for a man I never saw in person, and never seen live.

The last thing I remember about Kobe is when he trash talked Luka on Slovenian, and there was a family member near him too. I remember that smile, both smiles. Fuck, it’s too sad.

Rest in Peace, Mamba. You will be missed.

Locker Room Talk, or How To Bring Attitude Back To Wrestling (Episode 1)

Who In Their Right Mind Would Try This Idiocracy?

Hello guys! After questioning the odds of successful relationships through meddling in one of the posts here, I decided to clear things up about this interesting topic… By going in a completely different direction.

Inspired by brilliant series of posts called “I turned Millwall into the most aggressive team in the world” on the Football Manager subreddit, I set up a new game on TEW 2016 for one ridicoulous yet entertaining goal – explore the world of manipulation, turn a once fine the locker room rotten, and do as much nasty crap as humanly possible to start a war from inside.

To achieve that, I will heavily use negative meddling I wouldn’t have the guts to try in any other save.

I want to know exactly how this form of shithousery is reflected in the game and how fast the mood can drop to 0. The company of my choice is not Hogan’s WCW or HBK’s WWF, not really.

That would be too easy!

To find a bit of challenge, I picked an era where everyone is getting along nicely and plays video games together. It’s February 2019 here, because I’m too lazy to grab a new mod for this project, and it is a company many love to hate.

Impact Wrestling! Yay.

I never had a problem with Impact myself, but what the hell, they’ve been through some dumb stuff.

Now located in Canada, this company refused to die when the lid of the proverbial coffin was closing down on them all these years. Corgan-Carter conflict, Jarrett shenenigans, “*uck That Owl” outrage and plenty more LOLTNA moments I can’t remember from the top of my head now make it a plausible candidate for such an important mission.

That, and Tessa Blanchard’s stuff. You just know she’s a good locker room influence!

Now then, who will embark on this grand mission of sinking the ship once and for all? He comes from 20000 leagues under the sea…

Wait, he seems like a nice guy. But have you seen him without a mask?

His face screams “bad news”, and he once sued Miramax for the rights on the Sharkboy name. He surely has some cojones, this Sharkboy. And now he becomes a ruthless head booker looking for bad blood. 0 user talent points go to leadership and diplomacy, we want more accidents and more chances of them going tits up!

Perhaps handidly, this mod lacks a lot of details, so the majority of the roster has “nothing to report” in the behaviour table. The stand outs are Tommy Dreamer and Grado, and by stand outs I mean they’re a couple of good fellas. Tag team it is then. I also found out that Johnny Impact and Eddie Edwards are not “saints”, and by far the worst dude in the locker room is Konnan. Now we’re talking! Scarlett Bordeaux and Moose have some potential, let’s see what they got.

Through some navigation I found out that main eventers cause much bigger rifts than midcarders, which makes sense of course.

The first couple of signings are counter-prodcutive, as I look to bring “Bad Influence” back. It would be good for the name alone, but… who else would exclaim “this is the worst locker room I’ve ever been in” if not Daniels and Kaz? What about giving The Fallen Angel his world title run?

I bring back spinal-impact moves because how the heck are you supposed to get over without hitting 6 Canadian Destroyers, am I right? We’re in Canada, and that means only one thing.

Petey is our top dog now. I tried to bring Scotty Steiner in, but “Big Poppa Pump” has no intention of going to Canada. I’m sad, not gonna lie.

Sharkboy walks in to find out that locker room atmosphere is exactly 76% and we didn’t do anything yet! Well, this might be too easy now, but I go full Bill Watts and enforce ridicolous rules to upset even the most staunch guys. Three hour pre-show arrival, nobody leaves until the show is over, a dress code is enforced. No catering and no help with hotels, those expenses will go to a ‘dirty doctor’… Boom, it’s 57 now, and that means we step into our first show with a penalty.

I also put in a late bid to get Vampiro. He had a bit of a spat with Taya for taking the title away from her in Mexico, and he’s a very negative influence. He and K-Dawg will get along just fine, I guarantee it.

Bobby Roode’s heel turn is apparently bigger news than Cena winning his 17th world title, but we’re not here to talk about that. Vamp signed the deal suspiciously quickly, he can’t wait to leave his mark on Impact! Xplosion taping is here, it’s time to make our first negative meddling. Vamp asked to be spared of B shows, so the first scripted act of backstage brutality concerns these two gentlemen…

Just what I wanted. We will use this tension for the angle between OGz and New LAX.

Sharkboy debuts his wholesome old school shark gimmich that gets “Great”.
Killer Kross not suited to his gimmich, he’s no Charly Manson.
Sharkboy was slightly over-used. Is that even possible?

Impact kicks off our hottest storylines, and we increase our pop in 44 regions, GOOD GAWD! Look at this Car Crash TV. Russo would be proud.

Not a bad first week! Recreated the baseball bat angle in the main event, and when the moment is right, we will meddle them with pleasure.

Well, possibly this was the worst post you have ever seen, but… I don’t think I broke any rules. I’ll go to sleep now, and we will see what happens in the morning.

I’m very sorry

What In The World?

Hey there, stranger.

I’m amazed that you’ve stumbled down here. Even I don’t want to be here, but what can you do?

Such is life.

Believe it or not, I write for a living, and not in this fashion. Usually I’m asked to write serious blog posts and press releases (can’t stand them), and I don’t get enough time or energy to write something for myself, something that would feed my soul.

I don’t have a lot of hobbies, but they have a lot of me.

I like pro wrestling, and football aka soccer. I like to experiment in games such as Football Manager and Total Extreme Wrestling, and this blog will be about those types of games.

Text-based games are the best, amirite?

And writing about them may seem extremely nerdy, but what the fuck, I enjoy the immersion much more than anything else I’m asked to do during the working week.

That’s why I created this abyss, to shitpost here on topics I enjoy and without checking my writing in Grammarly…

Or checking in with the bosses to shoot some plain text into the web.

Here muah is free to do anything, and that feels preety damn good. I’m content with being here alone, as this is not a blog for the masses. Hope you enjoy your stay here, feel yourself at home.

Blodyxe